I went up to Bristol, I love it because of the accent. There's nothing you can be afraid of when someone speaks with a bristolian accent. It was voted the place where people are least afraid of being mugged. That's not due to a lack of potential muggers it's because if someone's coming down you're side of the street with their hood up and they're all looking pretty scary. And they come up to you and go "ere mate, give me yur wallet!" You kind of just want to go awwwww. And all you have to do is go calm down, ohh! And 9 times out of 10 they go "that is fair play, that is fair play mate."
A friend of mine moved to Bristol from Oxford and someone tried to give them his iPhone threatening him with a bread knife. Imagine him selecting his knife of choice from his ikea brochure. "look I could use the short one, but I use that for cutting the veg. the long one's going to way me down, Ahh the bread knife! The king of the stabbers." But how are you going to convince someone to part with their goods? Go up to them and say "ere mate, give me your iPhone or, actually to be honest I'm gunna have to ask you to lay down, its more of a slicer.
The best thing I ever heard was, I was away for a month and had to fly back to Bristol on an aeroplane, and I was just thinking, more than anything, I want to hear a proper Bristolian say something insane. I had to wait 12 yards from the arrivals desk, I came in, I saw these two like school boys like giddy excited school boys just the only way school boys can be. Not in a stabby way, but in a kind of you know when you see a scout looking at a hill and just kind of vibrate with anticipation. "I'm gunna climb up you and down again by George! That is the beauty of a hill." And you think isn't that what's right with the world, and then you see the scout leader and you think hmm. What's wrong with the world. But these kids, they were doing some kind of sport trip, because they had their like uniforms and their little bags and their bus was parked there and he turned to his friend and went "eer, I hope you're not lactose intolerant." I thought that's a very strange opening line, what sort of holiday are they going on? He said, "I hope you're not lactose intolerant, cos corfoo is gunna be legendairy!" My heart burst with pride!
